FREE GYM #21 - Zombie Gym - Virgin Active Tower Bridge

Virgin Active, Tower Bridge has everything you might expect from a standard Central London gym - a sauna, steam room, pool, friendly staff and plenty of shiny equipment.

But its members are lacking one thing. Motivation. People listlessly dragged their way from machine to machine like sloths in the sun. No eye contact, eerily quiet and extremely corporate. Perhaps it was just the Sunday vibe but I felt like I was in a gym full of zombies.

It got me thinking - all this time I thought I wanted a nice quiet posh gym, but now I realise that busy and simple gyms give you motivation to do your best. Why?

1. It creates competition between you and the next grunting gorilla about who can lift heavier weights (I always lose that one)
2. Makes you selfishly stay on that chest press a little longer - just because you know the person next in queue wants to use it too
3. There's no sauna or steam room to tempt you away from the gym early - "because you deserve it"

Just before I left, I spotted a sign that said 'look a million dollars without spending a penny'. Thanks Virgin Active Marketing Team, perhaps a new slogan for this blog!

Virgin Active are currently giving out free gym passes throughout March. 

FREE GYM #20 - A Gym for Masochists - Forest Hill

While on my way to rugby, I chanced upon a friendly high street gym 'Energie Fitness' by Forest Hill Station. What stayed with me most was the INSANITY workout videos blaring out on loop of every running machine. This high intensity fitness program (which basically means working out like a rabbit on speed for 60 days) shows pumped up ‘INSANITY’ converts shout out; “THIS ISN’T FOR EVERYBODY – BUT IF YOU’RE A MASOCHIST THEN JUST BRING IT” and features giant signs throughout saying “GET FIT OR GET OUT”.

You won't find me anywhere near this 'insane' regime, but it's evident that pain is popular. Their promotional video has over a million views on YouTube. Are you crazy enough for the INSANITY WORKOUT PROGRAM? I'm not.


Visit the Energie Fitness website for your one day free pass.

FREE GYM #19 - The home of the BEAST

This gym, situated in posh South Kensington is home to the nicest and most helpful receptionist I have ever encountered. She gave us a proper tour, happily accepted the free pass and most importantly, popped some free Lucozade energy sweets into our hands as we left. She even kindly explained the difference between a Fitness First 'Platinum' and 'Black' gym (information not readily available on the website) - the former having higher spec equipment. Thank you Bianca!

Menelek Waterton 'The Beast

They've packed a lot into this little gym. I went on a Sunday so would hate to see what it's like during peak hours. Don't be surprised if your knees are almost touching another guys elbow as you are doing your weights or if you have to wait a few seconds for a weight lifter to raise his arms before you can scuttle through to your next machine.

Please note the particularly hench man pictured on the left, who I refer to affectionately as 'THE BEAST' (whose name should always be capitalized to emphasize his size). After a few grunts and quiet snuffles, 'THE BEAST' would raise his weights and issue a blood curdling cry from his trunk like throat, much to the concern of everyone else in the room who paused to watch his noisy exhibition of strength.

While quietly getting on with my own exercise regime, I noticed a large shadow slowly descend over me. "Shit" I thought, I've taken 'THE BEAST'S' favourite bench press. But no, he only wanted to give me a few helpful pointers, becoming more BFG than 'BEAST'.

This time, I was also accompanied by my first 'co-free gym passer'. As we were leaving, happily chewing on our free Lucozade energy sweets she said "This free pass fitness idea - it's genius" to which I smiled in agreement."Thanks - it is". 

FREE GYM #18 - Gymbox - Covent Garden

Gymbox Covent Gardens is a sexy mix of cinema (imagine, giant glowing billboard, beckoning you in), Hollister (only extremely attractive model type people need apply as staff) and nightclub (there’s actually a DJ on at peak times between 6 and 8 blasting out the grooves from his booth above the treadmills – true story).

www.gymbox.co.uk

Don’t be fooled by the playful exterior (signs guarding the entrance to the sauna warn “No Chemicals, No Unsightly Towels, No Inflatable Dolphins”), or the PR (see image) this gym means serious business with row after row of gleaming gym and boxing equipment.

After striding purposely through a forest of punch bags, I strutted my way into the boxing ring dominating the main studio as the DJ, on cue, started to play ‘Can’t touch this’.  I felt good, professional even, until I realised I'd walked into ‘advanced Mai Thai’ class.

Sensing my fear, no one in the class volunteered to partner with me so a stocky girl was forced to spar with me by the instructor. She made me pay for this by beating the beshizzle out of me with ten sharp kicks to the left rib cage. As I winced in the most manly ways I know possible, she smiled a smile that said ‘You couldn't  bust a grape in a fruit fight’ and kicked me ten times more on the right rib cage. Thoroughly rattled, it was my turn. My revenge opportunity was short lived as the instructor, unimpressed with my weakling punches and kicks banished me out of the ring to train on my own. After ten minutes of one to one training, I was invited back in to show off my new found moves.

Everyone had gloves except for me. “Can I spar without gloves?” I asked timidly to the stocky girl. “No” she puffed in disgust, looking down at my gloveless hands as if I were naked at a children’s party. Told that I might find some gloves in one of the ringside lockers, I spied, deep in the darkest of corners, a smelly, damp pair of reject gloves, which squelched with sweat as I eased my hands in. Left hook, squelch, right jab squelch, upper cut squelch – great fun.

I came away from Gymbox with new skills - I now know Mai Thai is a lethal kicking and punching martial art - not a harmless cocktail; that one mustn’t bring dolphins into saunas; and damn it, it feels good to have your own DJ than a pair of tinny earphones.

                                                                             

If you like cinema, nightclubs, beating punch bags while pretending they’re people you hate and becoming buff like those topless models at Hollister  (and come on, who doesn’t) Gymbox is the gym for you!

Gymbox is currently offering free taster classes in any of its five London locations.

FREE GYM #17 - train like a soldier - snow joke you know

To be honest, due to the icy, snow covered park, I was half expecting ‘British Military Fitness’ at Peckham Rye Park to be called off.

Of course not, training goes on in all seasons, whatever the weather, three times a week like clockwork – that’s the military way. After a friendly greeting from the 30 trainees (or 'BMFiers'), Tom, a Territorial Army recruit trainer by day, fitness instructor by night, sorted us into basic, intermediate and advanced groups, and sent us on our way, puffing frostily into the air and stomping (sometimes ankle deep) through the snow.

Our obstacle course consisted of trees, hidden snow drifts and the odd snowman while the instructors, donned in camouflage, directed us through the rough terrain with a serious cardio programme of lunges, squats, burpies and sprint runs. For motivation, we were jokingly told to keep moving to ward off frostbite and hypothermia, but there was no chance of that, after a few runs we had all built up a healthy sweat, despite the zero degree temperatures.

Half way through the session my group suddenly found ourselves under fire from a flurry of snowballs. Yes, the intermediate and beginner group were at war and I became the first casualty, caught off guard by a small lady, gleefully launching a direct hit at my head.

Definitely a class I would pay for – as I much prefer exercising outside socially rather than alone in a tiny sweaty gym. Try it out- there’s no joiningfee this January, they're in parks all over London and they’re offering a full week free (use code: 'MSEJAN') - for those who dare brave the January cold. 

Plus - you can’t have a snow fight in a gym, so try it soon, even if it’s just for that.

FREE GYM #16 - Fitness First - Frying Pan Alley

This gym gets brownie points purely for being on 'Frying Pan Alley'. I'm sure there were many a guffaw at Fitness First HQ as they planned their new location. How funny would it be to make people think of fatty fry-ups while they worked out. 

This Fitness First feels brand spanking new, and slap bang in the middle of trendy Spitalfields, just off Petticoat Market.

After fighting my way through the cold, treacle like flow of January Spitalfield crowds, I was welcomed by the warm, spacious Fitness First interior, every wall festooned with full length mirrors helpfully placed for the vane to gaze at themselves while working out.

As I left the building, the receptionist serenely called out 'hope you had a good work out'. Well, I did thank you. Now where's that fry up...

Out of the frying pan - into the fire

FREE GYM #15 - Camberwell Leisure Centre

CELEBRATION OF 100 DAYS UNTIL THE OLYMPICS!! (or 114 days until it's over depending on how you look at it). This means free gym in Camberwell Leisure Centre (and all 'Fusion Gyms') for the whole weekend with games, prizes and freebies including a curious partnership with Nando's where one of their representatives stood in the foyer handing out discount cards and asking people; "Do you like CHICKEN?". Marketing gold - the perfect place to be promoting posh fast food to the hungry, fat and health conscious.

The gym was surprisingly empty - leaving all the more non-sweaty equipment for me! I liked the running machines which gave me a visual of how far round a countryside track I was in terms of km. I was quite proud after reaching 2km, until I remembered the hundreds of people struggling through today's London Marathon as I jogged slowly in an empty, nicely air conditioned weather proof gym.

It started peeing down before I decided to leave so I sought refuge in the gym's quaint cafe; settling down on a comfy leather sofa to hot chocolate and Sunday papers. I was the only customer all afternoon so I hope it stays in business - though if it doesn't work out, I'm sure Nando's would love  to move in.

FREE GYM #14 - The Tallest Hotel - The Smallest Gym

"We are Bristol's tallest hotel" proclaims the Radisson Hotel TV as you enter your room. Alas, their tiny gym can't boast the same credentials - packing equipment into a low ceiling box room.

Thoughtful extras include a bowl of fresh apples, a rack of over 50 white towels (you couldn't get more than 10 people in this room)...and an emergency phone (just in case you suffer from claustrophobia I suppose).

Despite the small proportions of this particular hotel gym - I would always recommend bringing your kit when out on business. Corporate hotels such as the Marriott are making a concerted effort to diversify their 'leisure' offer with the creation of connected (very swish) health clubs- which of course, are available to all paying guests!

FREE GYM #13 - Southbank Club - but not on 'The South Bank'

I know the South Bank. It boasts iconic structures such as Oxo Tower and the London Eye and is home to treasured cultural institutions such as The Southbank Centre, The Royal Festival Hall, BFI and The National Theatre.

Which left me rather perplexed when I came across 'The Southbank Club', impetuously impersonating London's cultural riverside hub while lurking by 9 Elms Market, in deepest darkest Vauxhall. 

Titular technicalities aside, I did enjoy the club, which seems to run a regular friendly squash league whilst boasting one of the biggest, most spacious warehouse gyms I have ever seen. It also makes use of three gigantic projector screens - very cinematic (bringing popcorn is not encouraged).

If you do decide to visit, they can be found on Wandsworth Road and were offering a free day pass to entice new members in February. Although this offer has expired - the extremely chirpy staff will be happy to give you a 'South Bank' tour...not quite a tourist favourite, but definitely worth a visit.

Google takes away CHARITY MONEY!

I hate it when blogs are neglected (last post was October 2011) but I was a little disheartened when GOOGLE TOOK BACK ALMOST £50 BUILT UP THROUGH HARD EARNED ADVERT CLICKS DESTINED FOR WATERAID. In Google's defense, their terms and conditions does state that one must not ask people to click on adverts (which I did) - but it was for charity...come on...it's like an unbelievably fat and rich man taking fresh milk from a thirsty, malnourished, disease prone baby.

Apparently complaining to Google about this kind of thing is like shouting at a blind, deaf and dumb dictator asking; 'could you possibly be as kind to give back that money you mistakenly took from your starving people?' Not even an answer, it's already in a large, black html hole and it's not coming back.

However, all is not lost! You can now donate directly to Water Aid through the Just Giving page to the left. It's easy peasy and will make a big difference.

Thank you.

P.s. a special message to Google:

FREE GYM #12 - East Dulwich Gym - Saving fish, one row at a time

Row row row rowing machine
Works cardio like a dream...
If you see a massive fish,
Don't forget to...row faster?

While on the rowing machine, has anyone tried the 'fish game' where your little fish will get eaten by a big shark if you don't row fast enough? No? Try it! I love the rowing machine. It's perhaps my favourite gym machine. When I get tired of the fish game I usually use the 2000m function and try to beat my previous time (P.B 7.43 minutes at the moment).

The picture of me looking serious is actually me fighting for the life of my little fish, which always, by the way, dies in the end.

If you squint, you may realise I have a WaterAid t-shirt on, which is the whole point of this blog, so get clicking on the adverts to raise more money for charity.

£32.72 raised so far!!

This blog refers to day two of a free 7 day pass from East Dulwich Leisure Centre - see previous blog post for more information.

Free Gym #12 - East Dulwich - HEATWAVE

Despite being one of the hottest days recorded in October...EVER I didn't feel bad about wasting part of it in the gym (usually for me, the equivalent of going to a basement gym on a sunny day is like going on holiday and never leaving your hotel).

This is because, East Dulwich Leisure Centre, with its high glass ceiling, ample space and brilliant ventilation is about as outside as you are going to feel inside a gym.

Plus, I'm not one to miss an opportunity. It's open weekend across all London Fusion Gyms, including East Dulwich Leisure Centre. Not only can you get in free, but if your friend is a member, they can request a 7 day free pass for their family member or friend. Luckily, my girlfriend has just joined so now I have a weeks worth of a gym, right next to my house!

After the gym session, I walked to the park with the papers, nestled myself in a nice bed of Autumn leaves and had a nice sleep in the sun (apparently hotter today than the Sahara says the Mirror). I briefly regretted not making more of the weather and taking a trip to the beach...but a quick look at the congestion below makes me think that perhaps a simple trip to the local gym and park was the right decision!

Free Gym #11 - Monument - Working Out is better than Working In

Dropping my bag off at Fitness First Monument, I really couldn't bring myself to spend a minute more in this small, smelly, dingy gym than I had to. So, instead of running aimlessly inside on a conveyor belt for my warm  up, I took to the sunny, saline scented riverside walkway for my cardio, preferring to work 'out' rather than work  'in'.

Just a 10 minute run between London Bridge and Tower Bridge turned out to be the most enjoyable exercise of the day, taking a flying visit to historical sites I had never bothered to see before...

Warm up outside next time - you never know what you might find.

Free Gym #11 - Monument - Beware of the troll

Illustration by Misha Waterton - Property of Shmoo

Slap bang in the middle of London, this basement gym hides broodingly away in the underbelly of London Bridge. Ugly, smelly, dank and awkwardly proportioned, you may be forgiven in thinking that London Bridge has acquired a troll.

The designers of this gym have given the majority of space to three squash courts, sparingly allocating thin corridors for running, stretching and weights. As the whole gym is more or less open plan, don't be surprised to see a squash ball flying past your face while on the running machines in the mezzanine above.

The worst thing about Fitness First Monument could be the solitary mens toilet. I feel almost sorry for it...no toilet should take so much strain. But the best thing is certainly the view of the Thames that you get whilst on the running machines. [see image]. Looking out at the rain and an angry swollen river, you may feel happy to be inside. Even if it's in a troll.

Free five day voucher - courtesy of Voucher Cloud phone app.

Getting lost - London is my Gym

When you are feeling down, or have experienced a set-back, I recommend stepping into your trainers and going for a run. Don't plan it, don't time it, don't pace it; just - get - lost. I guarantee that after that, you'll find your way back again, and have seen a whole new perspective along the way.

Free GYM #10 - East Dulwich Leisure Centre - Yummy Mummy Land

This £6.5 million gym has just opened and is already courting controversy. Butch men are complaining that gym bosses are sidelining them because the free weights are too light [only up to 20kg], catering for the droves of (obviously weakling) yummy mummy types who live in East Dulwich. Such a fuss was kicked up that the local newspaper had it as its front cover story. Luckily, an advert in the same newspaper the week before had given me a free pass voucher – so I could see for myself...happy in the knowledge that 20kg was quite enough for me (for now).

Located on the site of an old swimming pool, this gym is encircled by a full length balcony, complete with old ornate benches where people used to watch the swimmers below. The water is now replaced by a sea of shining equipment with my favourite running machines ever. The new ‘Fitness Life’ machines had big screens with the novelty of an attractive virtual female trainer egging you on. ‘C’mon’ she cheerfully said, ‘Only 500 metres to go!’

As I was enjoying my delightful virtual trainer, I noticed a man check out the blonde on the cycling machine next to him and nonchalantly move to an identical cycling machine behind her – eyes fixed greedily on her ass.

What better motivation than that? Ugh.

FREE GYM #9 - Pulse Fitness - New York

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I admit it, I held a stereotype. I thought that many American's came in XL. This is simply not the case, well, not in New York anyway. People are very fit conscious here. There is a gym on every corner and you will always find a person powering through Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge or the many streets and avenues which criss cross the city. New Yorkers have truly adopted NYC as their gym.

As you can imagine, I had limited time for the gym. I had the whole of New York to see and a seminal US/UK conference on 'Stop & Search' to attend. In terms of sight seeing, I highly recommend the free Staten Island Ferry ride past the Statue of Liberty, the emotive African Burial Site, and the obscure MOMA PS1for its experimental modern art inside and the experimental graffiti outside which festoons the buildings around a colourful Queens neighbourhood.

However, I did manage one gym, courtesy of my good friend Hakim, which was perhaps the cheapest gym I will EVER come across. Yes, Pulse Fitness (Queens) had old equipment, yes it had crumbling walls, yes it was sticky and yes an old man kept yelling in Spanish at me but it was only $99 per year, including 24 hour access, 30,000 square foot of space, aerobic classes and a whole room full of boxing stuff. That works out at a crazy $8.25 [£5.16] per month.

C'mon, find a cheaper gym - I challenge you.

FREE GYM #8 - Virgin Active - Strand

Today, I'm proud to say that I'm no longer a Virgin Active Virgin. Despite coming away slightly sore and finishing way too soon, I enjoyed every minute of it and wanted more (innuendo intended).

This gym is certainly a step up in the world, boasting sleek and spacious studio rooms, a clean jacuzzi, an empty18m pool, a sauna, a steam room and a 'HeavenV' spa (I have no idea what this is - but I'm sure it's 'heavenly'.)

After a hard work out, the best way to relax, other than a 'HeavenV' massage, is a quick swim and a stretch in the steam room.

Officially Virgin Active doesn't give out free trials but if you book a 'tour' and ask nicely, they are sure to let you have a go solo.

P.s. Good luck to all the Virgin Active London Triathalon today, hope lot's of money is raised for charity. (remember to click on the adverts below and to the side of this blog to raise money for Water Aid.)

FREE GYM #7 - Fitness First - London Bridge Hotel

Bam, another 'platinum' Fitness First though still not quite sure how much 'value added' platinum status actually gives over the other non-platinum gyms. I mean, this gym looks the same, feels the same, damn it, it must be the same!

Voucher Cloud had given me a five day gym pass instead of the usual three day pass because I've got an old Orange (UK mobile network) sim card (primarily used for the odd Orange Wednesday 241 cinema ticket).

Unfortunately, this Voucher Cloud offer means NOTHING to the gym manager, who begrudgingly gave me a free two day pass instead.*

The gym is certainly centrally located, slotting in just between London Bridge Station and London Bridge Hotel in the shadow of the ever rising Shard [pictured] which, although unfinished, is already London's tallest building. I'm hoping they have incorporated a gym into their tenancy plans, but failing that, climbing up to what will be London's highest public viewing gallery, should be enough exercise for a long time!



*You can report the venue if a
Voucher Cloud offer isn't honoured.

FREE GYM #6 - Fitness First - Angel

If you have a mate who has a 'golden fob', this person may take you into any Fitness First of fancy, without limits, so long as it's on the weekend. This, of course, is there to be taken advantage of.

As usual with Fitness Firsts, the Angel branch looks tatty from the outside, but is shiny and squeaky and clean on the inside. It is the proud owner of 'Platinum' status...which I guess is better than 'non-Platinum' status. As far as I can see, the only 'Platinum' benefit is a complementary towel when you walk in. Can someone help me out here?!

Motivation wise - I would always recommend going with a mate. Competition and bravado does come in useful when getting fit. Unfortunately, I'm not the competitive type and had to be verbally abused and ridiculed before I would try that 4th set of dumbbell squats...but I did it :)