Free GYM #10 - East Dulwich Leisure Centre - Yummy Mummy Land

This £6.5 million gym has just opened and is already courting controversy. Butch men are complaining that gym bosses are sidelining them because the free weights are too light [only up to 20kg], catering for the droves of (obviously weakling) yummy mummy types who live in East Dulwich. Such a fuss was kicked up that the local newspaper had it as its front cover story. Luckily, an advert in the same newspaper the week before had given me a free pass voucher – so I could see for myself...happy in the knowledge that 20kg was quite enough for me (for now).

Located on the site of an old swimming pool, this gym is encircled by a full length balcony, complete with old ornate benches where people used to watch the swimmers below. The water is now replaced by a sea of shining equipment with my favourite running machines ever. The new ‘Fitness Life’ machines had big screens with the novelty of an attractive virtual female trainer egging you on. ‘C’mon’ she cheerfully said, ‘Only 500 metres to go!’

As I was enjoying my delightful virtual trainer, I noticed a man check out the blonde on the cycling machine next to him and nonchalantly move to an identical cycling machine behind her – eyes fixed greedily on her ass.

What better motivation than that? Ugh.

FREE GYM #9 - Pulse Fitness - New York

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I admit it, I held a stereotype. I thought that many American's came in XL. This is simply not the case, well, not in New York anyway. People are very fit conscious here. There is a gym on every corner and you will always find a person powering through Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge or the many streets and avenues which criss cross the city. New Yorkers have truly adopted NYC as their gym.

As you can imagine, I had limited time for the gym. I had the whole of New York to see and a seminal US/UK conference on 'Stop & Search' to attend. In terms of sight seeing, I highly recommend the free Staten Island Ferry ride past the Statue of Liberty, the emotive African Burial Site, and the obscure MOMA PS1for its experimental modern art inside and the experimental graffiti outside which festoons the buildings around a colourful Queens neighbourhood.

However, I did manage one gym, courtesy of my good friend Hakim, which was perhaps the cheapest gym I will EVER come across. Yes, Pulse Fitness (Queens) had old equipment, yes it had crumbling walls, yes it was sticky and yes an old man kept yelling in Spanish at me but it was only $99 per year, including 24 hour access, 30,000 square foot of space, aerobic classes and a whole room full of boxing stuff. That works out at a crazy $8.25 [£5.16] per month.

C'mon, find a cheaper gym - I challenge you.