Free Gym #11 - Monument - Working Out is better than Working In

Dropping my bag off at Fitness First Monument, I really couldn't bring myself to spend a minute more in this small, smelly, dingy gym than I had to. So, instead of running aimlessly inside on a conveyor belt for my warm  up, I took to the sunny, saline scented riverside walkway for my cardio, preferring to work 'out' rather than work  'in'.

Just a 10 minute run between London Bridge and Tower Bridge turned out to be the most enjoyable exercise of the day, taking a flying visit to historical sites I had never bothered to see before...

Warm up outside next time - you never know what you might find.

Free Gym #11 - Monument - Beware of the troll

Illustration by Misha Waterton - Property of Shmoo

Slap bang in the middle of London, this basement gym hides broodingly away in the underbelly of London Bridge. Ugly, smelly, dank and awkwardly proportioned, you may be forgiven in thinking that London Bridge has acquired a troll.

The designers of this gym have given the majority of space to three squash courts, sparingly allocating thin corridors for running, stretching and weights. As the whole gym is more or less open plan, don't be surprised to see a squash ball flying past your face while on the running machines in the mezzanine above.

The worst thing about Fitness First Monument could be the solitary mens toilet. I feel almost sorry for it...no toilet should take so much strain. But the best thing is certainly the view of the Thames that you get whilst on the running machines. [see image]. Looking out at the rain and an angry swollen river, you may feel happy to be inside. Even if it's in a troll.

Free five day voucher - courtesy of Voucher Cloud phone app.

Getting lost - London is my Gym

When you are feeling down, or have experienced a set-back, I recommend stepping into your trainers and going for a run. Don't plan it, don't time it, don't pace it; just - get - lost. I guarantee that after that, you'll find your way back again, and have seen a whole new perspective along the way.

Free GYM #10 - East Dulwich Leisure Centre - Yummy Mummy Land

This £6.5 million gym has just opened and is already courting controversy. Butch men are complaining that gym bosses are sidelining them because the free weights are too light [only up to 20kg], catering for the droves of (obviously weakling) yummy mummy types who live in East Dulwich. Such a fuss was kicked up that the local newspaper had it as its front cover story. Luckily, an advert in the same newspaper the week before had given me a free pass voucher – so I could see for myself...happy in the knowledge that 20kg was quite enough for me (for now).

Located on the site of an old swimming pool, this gym is encircled by a full length balcony, complete with old ornate benches where people used to watch the swimmers below. The water is now replaced by a sea of shining equipment with my favourite running machines ever. The new ‘Fitness Life’ machines had big screens with the novelty of an attractive virtual female trainer egging you on. ‘C’mon’ she cheerfully said, ‘Only 500 metres to go!’

As I was enjoying my delightful virtual trainer, I noticed a man check out the blonde on the cycling machine next to him and nonchalantly move to an identical cycling machine behind her – eyes fixed greedily on her ass.

What better motivation than that?